Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
