Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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