she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
