It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
