once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
