Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
