I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
