xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
