I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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