No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize