No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Couch. On fire.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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