Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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