You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
