We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
