Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
