One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
