after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
