why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
