Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
