You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize