Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
