It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
