It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
