Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Randomize
