Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
