What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He better not be in your backpack
I'm just crazy horny about you
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
