I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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