the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
