I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize