So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
