Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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