just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
another moral hangover. fuck.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
