There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
This baby is an asshole
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
