I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Randomize
