so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
