He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
