It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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