never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize