someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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