while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
