If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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