she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
