We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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