I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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