Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think people are normalizing furries
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize