I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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