Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
