how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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