The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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