I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
