she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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