i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
this hospital has no fireball
Randomize
