I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
