sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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