you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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