Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
