she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
