I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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