Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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