Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
