I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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