Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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