If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
