when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
