Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
