I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
No subtext here. People are naked.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize