he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
