he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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