I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
